❤️How I Met My Wife❤️ Regret is Worse Than Failure!⏳ Jay’s SCOOP | Ep. 419

Jay Schwedelson: We are back for do this, not that podcast presented by Marigold. And normally I come on here and I say, Hey, stick this in your subject line, or do this on a social media post, and you'll see all this amazing stuff happen. But I wanted to share. Something that really has stuck with me and it's this concept of regret is worse than failure.

Jay Schwedelson: You know, I've been writing this book which has made me think about all these big life lessons I've learned and I feel total imposter syndrome. I feel like a clown doing it, but it's really got me thinking in all sorts of different directions about moments in my life that have really been a big deal for me.

Jay Schwedelson: Probably the biggest moment in my life that happened was how I met my wife, and then also how that translated to impacting how I think about work and business and everything else. And hopefully, you know, after you hear this nonsense, you'll be like, you know what? Regret is worse than failure. And you can incorporate that into everything that you are thinking about.

Jay Schwedelson: Maybe you do that already, but I'm so intentional about it now because it really has transformed things. So what does that even mean? What am I talking about? So here's the story you didn't ask for. Here's how I wound up, uh, meeting my wife. So I've been married to Allie for 22 years. She's the most incredible human being on earth, a billion times smarter than me.

Jay Schwedelson: She's a dermatologist. She's the most amazing human. I, we have two great kids. Uh, one's a freshman in college, one's a senior in high school grade. Human being is alive, but it all almost didn't happen. So here's exactly how it went down. So. We both went, me and Ali both went to University of Florida and I was a year ahead of her.

Jay Schwedelson: So she was a freshman. I was a sophomore, and we met when she was a freshman, and I just thought she was like the most beautiful, amazing human being and we hit it off right outta the gate. And, but we hit our side of the gate. Neither one of us wanted to have a serious thing in college. We were like, it's college.

Jay Schwedelson: We went to the University of Florida, let's go and, you know, enjoy life. And we would hang out in college here and there. And we were always in each other's circles and stuff, but we were both pretty much fixed on not wanting a serious thing in college. Uh, but she was like front and center of my brain always.

Jay Schwedelson: Okay. So fast forward, we graduate. And we kinda lose touch. And a couple years passed by, it was like two or three years passed by, but the whole time we lost touch. I, and I'm not just saying this now that I'm married, it's true. I thought about her all the time. Uh, I was, I wonder what she's doing, what's going on?

Jay Schwedelson: And you know, back then it wasn't as simple as you go on Instagram and you see what they're up to. You know, you would hear little stories here and there, but you wouldn't really have a clue. And we weren't really in touch. And then, um, but I would always think about her. So we live in South Florida. I knew she still lived in South Florida.

Jay Schwedelson: And one night I was out in Miami and I was out with a bunch of my buddies and I was sitting outside at this kinda like restaurant bar area thing, whatever. And then on the opposite side of the street. She couldn't see me. I saw Allie holding hands with this guy and looking really happy and walking along.

Jay Schwedelson: And I had heard before I saw them, that she, uh, was in a relationship and that bummed me out when I heard that. And then I saw them and she looked really happy and they were walking along, holding hands, whatever. And she never saw me. Um, she didn't even know that I had taught her until years later. And in that moment I was so upset with myself.

Jay Schwedelson: Uh, massive regret had set in. I said to myself, holy, oh my goodness. I let it slip by. I let the person that was my person slip by. And I'm screwed because now she's happy, you know? And we're at that age where you're like, I don't know, 25 ish or whatever, and you're like, that's it. She's gonna marry that dude, and that's gonna be that.

Jay Schwedelson: And I let the opportunity pass me by years ago in college, then after college, listen, I know there's no Instagram where I could just dmd her or whatever. But if I, if I had made some effort, I could have found her. I just was terrible. I sucked and I didn't do anything. And the, the level of regret that set in with me was astronomical.

Jay Schwedelson: I was, I was beside myself. I was just so upset. After that night, she, nobody else to realize. My friends didn't know what was going on. They didn't know why I was upset. She never knew what was going on. She didn't even see me. And she was with that guy. She didn't care. Okay, fine. Fast forward, I don't know, a couple months later, uh, I'm out at this, uh, bar.

Jay Schwedelson: In Fort Lauderdale and who do I see? Uh, up at the bar area? The bar area was packed. But who do I see? I see allie's there and she's not, I had heard that she had then, um, I didn't know if she was still with that guy was going on. I heard there was like, I had heard different things, but she was at the bar and she was talking with this other guy and I was like, oh.

Jay Schwedelson: And I said to myself. I don't care. I don't care what's going on. I'm going up. I'm talking to her. I am not letting this opportunity pass by me. I need to tell her how I feel. So I waited, waited, waited. 'cause I didn't wanna be a jerk. And the guy went to, I guess he went to the bathroom and he walked away.

Jay Schwedelson: And the second he walked away, I walked over her and I said, Hey. And she's like, whoa, Jay, what's going on? I said, listen. I go, I know this is outta left field. I said, but. I really, really regret us not spending time together, getting to know each other after college. I would love to get your phone number. I want to take you out for dinner.

Jay Schwedelson: Will you give me your number? And she looked at me, she goes, I'm on a date. Uh, I broke up with this other guy and now I was like, my first date since whatever, I'm on a date with this guy, he's in the bathroom. I said, okay, great. I go, I'm not moving. I'm not leaving this spot until you gimme your number.

Jay Schwedelson: Please gimme your number. And honestly, I, if I was her, I would've thought I was a weirdo because I def definitely came off a little bit over the top. She, I don't know. She goes, oh, she's like, she could tell though in my eyes that I was not kidding. And so she grabbed a pen from the bartender. She wrote down her number and she shoved in my hand, and then she said, now, get outta here.

Jay Schwedelson: And I did because I was like, that's it. I just wanted her number. Fine. I left. Now that night I got home and I'm like, I wonder if she even gave me her real number because I wouldn't have given me my real number because, uh, I came off really. Weird. Um, so, but, and everyone's like, you gotta wait. You can't call her.

Jay Schwedelson: You wait a few days. I said, screw that. The next morning. I remember the very next morning, it was early, I just didn't care. I'm like, this is it. No more regret. I'm all over this. And I called her up and first the phone rang. I'm like, oh my God, the phone's ringing. I was so happy 'cause I thought it was a fake number.

Jay Schwedelson: And then she picked up and it was her and I was like, oh my God. She gave me a real number and, and that was it. We went out. We have been together ever since. And what that did for me was made me always realize that regret was so much worse. Failure, uh, in every business opportunity. You know, you don't ever wanna have that feeling where you're somewhere and you say to yourself, oh, I should have introduced myself to so and so, or That was my chance to do that.

Jay Schwedelson: You don't need to be brave your entire life. You don't need to have courage to do stuff at every moment. You need to be brave for like 10 seconds. In that moment, you say, I could do this for 10 seconds, whatever it is, go up to that person. Ask the difficult question, do the thing that's uncomfortable, because when you do the thing that's uncomfortable, one of two things will happen in your life, in your career, in your business, in whatever.

Jay Schwedelson: Either it's gonna work out and you're gonna get the opportunity. You're gonna meet the person, things are gonna head in the right direction, or it's gonna be an epic fail. The person's gonna blow you off. The opportunity's not gonna come your way. You're going to get rejected. But you know what? You're not gonna sit there in the land of what ifs for the rest of your life, which is a horrible place to exist.

Jay Schwedelson: What if I had asked that person the thing? What if I had reached out to that person? What if I had tried? What if. I had asked Ally out on a date and she said yes. What if that is torture? It is a torture chamber to live in the land of what ifs. So. I know this episode was random. I get it. And you're pro, I'll probably get the most worst reviews I've ever gotten on an episode because, hey, where are the tips?

Jay Schwedelson: I wanna know what to put in my subject line. I get that. Um, but you know, this, this whole podcast thing, creating content, um, it's a journey. And you are on one too. When you're creating content, you're trying to figure out, you know, what, what is it that's meaningful to put out into the universe? And, and, and this was meaningful.

Jay Schwedelson: To me. And so this idea of regret being worse than failure, I hope that somewhere in your brain it sticks in there and you're probably already doing it. You probably could have taught me this lesson much earlier on in my life, but you all are awesome. Thanks for checking this out and then, uh, back to horrible reality TV and all the other garbage, uh, next week and check you later.